Life without a Cerebral Cortex
by purtyinpink71121
Summary: .'James Potter is a poop. He is a great big, arrogant, infuriating, sexy as hell poop.' Lily takes a stab at describing James. However, with her charismatic skills being what they are, it doesn’t come out quite as expected. ONESHOT! LJ R&R!


**Life without a Cerebral Cortex**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything you recognize in this story. Including the team name the Average Joes. That is from a movie. If you can name the movie I will love you forever!

**A/N: **Here is just a random oneshot I decided to write. My dad said the phrase "life without a cerebral cortex" to me the other day when I was telling him a story about this stupid, annoying kid who goes to my church youth group, and I thought it was funny as hell. And so, this story is born! It's supposed to be a comedy, but if you don't think it's funny don't bother reviewing to tell me it's not... just let me have my fantasies, alright? But deff. drop me a review to tell me you liked it!

**A/N2: **Oh yeah, about the poop thing... _'blank_ is a poop' has recently become my favorite insult. It's so simple, and yet so offensive at the same time. It's wonderful!

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

James Potter is a poop. He is a great big, arrogant, infuriating, sexy as hell poop.

Why, you ask, and I saying such atrocious things about one James Potter? Well really, they aren't so bad... since it's the truth. He's horrible. I'm not even quite sure where I should begin describing him...

Okay, we might as well start at the top. His hair. It's black and messy. Soft too. It feels wonderful to run my hands through it... but that is totally beside the point. The fact of the matter is... its always so damn sexy! I mean... messy! And worse yet, he makes it that way! He is always running his hands through it. I suspect he does it just to bug me... he knows I have a tad bit of OCD in me... it irritates me to no end to see his hair so un-orderly like that! And he knows it! The arrogant poop.

Next topic in our discussion. His huge head, filled with nothing but hot air. I mean it. Really. That thing is empty. No brains to speak of, but an ego the size of Africa. I've always wondered what it would feel like to go through your life without a cerebral cortex... James Potter knows. He does it every day!

What shall we talk about next? How about his mouth. His perfect teeth, his sexy lips... I mean... it's horrible, the things he says with that gorgeous mouth! If he's not speaking the words to a hex, he is using it to spout endless annoying nothings to anyone who is willing to listen. And even some people who aren't willing to listen.

And then... his shoulders! They are so damn broad, you could balance a boat on those things! A nice place to rest arms when hugging or kissing him, however.

And he is strong as hell. It might be from the Quiddich practices, or he might be sneaking illegal steroids in... I'm not too sure. Probably the latter though. I mean how much muscle does it take to fly around on a broom stick and catch a stupid little ball? That's all he does too. I mean if he were a chaser it would make sense, I mean that quaffle is heavy, but how much can the Golden Snitch way? 3 or 4 ounces? Yeah, that _really _requires muscles...

Coincidentally, that is the perfect segway into my next topic. Quiddich. The boy is obsessed! At least half of the nonsense that pours from those gorgeous lips is Quiddich related. _The whose-a-ma-whatsits are doing wonderful this season. The nobodies are onw only 2 games behind the someones. The Average Joes are likely to make it to the World Cup this year._ Well I have a random fact for you too... I really don't care! At all! Not everyone is a Quiddich maniac like you.

And the pranks. Holy moley! The pranks are unbelievable! How does he think of those things? I mean honestly, who in their right mind would think to charm every chair in the bloody school so that when someone sits on it, it transforms into a random farm animal? I mean REALLY!

And that is a pretty complex charm too... if only he would use his brains for schoolwork he wouldn't be getting the grades he does. I've tried to get him to study, but there is just no getting through to him. He's like a four year old, honestly.

"Lily love?" Oh, here's the poop now.

"Hi," I say, finding myself incapable of saying anything else. He sits down next to me on the couch in front of the fire and gives me a nice, long kiss.

You see, the worst thing is that I'm hopelessly in love with Potter. And there is nothing I can ever hope to do about it.

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

So, there we go, kind of short but whatever. **Reviews please!**


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